those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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