i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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