I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
