I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ttyl tear gas
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
