I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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