I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
