I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
