You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
