Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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