And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
