Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
