my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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