so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
