All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize