I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
