When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
