Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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