Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
