Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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