Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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