I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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