we have officially lost it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
