What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
