So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
