I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
