it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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