I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize