You're my little dorito
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
