Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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