yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
