I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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