You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
