If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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