so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
