if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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