I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
