Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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