we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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