we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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