I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
