they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
