jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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