mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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