It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
