the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize