I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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