i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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