He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
