Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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