it was like his penis was on wheels.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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