I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
