too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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