Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
