I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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