we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
