God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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