you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
