went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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