The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
