id be glad to
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
