I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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