I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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