so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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