Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
