Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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