can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
