I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize