what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
