Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize