yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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