Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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