you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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