i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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