How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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