I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
