I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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