i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
