i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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