I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize