I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
