just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
