she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
