So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
how drunk are you?
Several
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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