$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
