I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
