dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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