ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize