she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He shit in the fireplace
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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