No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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