Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
