We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
