did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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