your parents love me but you hate me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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