I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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