My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My feet surprised me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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