$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
