At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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