OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
