his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
