Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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