Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
