I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
