I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
