Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
