I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
