I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
