I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
