I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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