I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
