Where did you get a picture of my penis
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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